Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Chair

This is the chair I have lived with for over 8 years.



It's the chair that I have come to accept as a practical part of my life. It's not my style but it's functional and there's no reason to go out and buy another chair since this one works. At least that's what I've been telling myself for 8 years.

There's a bit more to this story than just a functional chair. This chair used to belong to my husband's deceased wife. Her passing, 14 years ago,  is a tragedy. It is one that we all live with, in subtle ways, everyday. I've done many things around the house that I inherited from her, things to make living here not feel like I am living in someone else's life. The living room has been remodeled, painted and shifted. The dishes have mostly been replaced. The bedroom furniture (and mattress) is new.....except for, of course, the chair.

I didn't understand how much it bothered me. I realize now that, unconsciously, I used to picture her sitting in it and getting ready for her day, bantering with the husband we now share and laughing with the child she had to leave behind. In a way, the chair is her anchor to the new life I've tried to create with my husband and my little boys and, of course, the boy she had to leave behind. But for some reason, I didn't have the guts to get rid of it. Maybe, my reluctance was my way of letting her hold on to her grip to the most intimate part of my house. Maybe, in some small part of me, I felt guilty.

I finally shared the meaning of the chair with my husband one night.

He was surprised. He had thought I had brought the chair with me when I moved in. He had no recollection of it previously at all. He asked why I hadn't said anything sooner. I couldn't really answer past the tears clouding my vision.

This past Monday I celebrated my birthday. I love birthdays. I've decided that as we grow older, every year should be a party to celebrate that we're still here, that we still get to enjoy the gifts we've been given and resolve, in the next year, to become yet even better versions of ourselves.

My husband waited until the end of the day to give me his gift. I could tell he was up to something when I tried to go into our room and the door was locked. OK, honey, I called out. I have no idea what you're up to, wink, wink, I said to him through the door, laughing to myself that he always waited until the last minute to do these things.

Then the door opened and I rushed in to get something I needed for one of the boys. I stopped right in my tracks. And this is what I saw:



And I started to cry. Because, he heard me.

18 comments:

Rachel Burch said...

I love this. I started to cry too. Thanks for sharing with us. xo

Unknown said...

Amazing...made me cry....

Olga M. said...

What a gorgeous chair! Very thought provoking, and several lessons to be learned. At the heart, men and women look (or don't look) at things differently. Best to speak up and not leave anything unsaid. Thank you for sharing, and so beautifully at that.

Laurel Janssen Byrne said...

Crying. So sweet.

Laurel Janssen Byrne said...

Crying. So sweet.

Susy* said...

Thank you for sharing Rina...very, very sweet indeed. I started to cry as well...amazing. xo

Susy Shearer said...

Thank you for sharing Rina...very, very sweet indeed. I started to cry as well...amazing. xo

Susy Shearer said...

Thank you for sharing Rina...very, very sweet indeed. I started to cry as well...amazing. xo

Unknown said...

Rina, what a beautiful story. You have an amazing husband. I love the new chair. It is so you. Vibrant, beautiful, and unique. Thank you for sharing such personal story.

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing this story. You have an amazing husband. I love chair. It reflects who you are. Colorful, unique, and beautiful.

Charlene Ross said...

What a beautiful story Rina. Thank you so much for sharing. What a wonderful husband you have. (But we knew that didn't we?) And that new chair - fabulous. It suits you.

Unknown said...

Thanks or sharing this beautiful story. Happy Birthday indeed. I love how you say so much, even though you are just talking about a chair. I love that! And kudos to your husband. :)

Unknown said...

Rina, what a touching story. Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. Howard is an amazing man!

Ms Aquavelo said...

Such a great story. Thanks for sharing. P.S. love the chair.

Ms Aquavelo said...

Rina, Such a great story. Thanks for sharing. P.S. Love the new chair

Rina Baraz Nehdar said...

Thanks so much everyone for your positive feedback. And i know Susy that this one must have been hard for you to read too. And thank you for reading......❤️

julie gardner said...

What a lovely moment for you both, after years of inner conflict on your part.

I think there is nothing more important than feeling heard.

L. Morgan said...

What a nice story to share.